Progress. . .

It has been a week since the Proclamation! and it has been promising. Yesterday, I got some receipes together and went to the Good Place (Whole Foods) for groceries. I handed over a significant portion of the monies gleaned from selling my mother's Belleek on eBay (thanks to Ally for offloading the FUGLEE placque and other not so fuglee items). However, I came back with beautiful, colored, plump, ripe vegetables for which to make my healthy foods. I know it's cheaper at the Bad Place (Giant near my house) but SHUDDER. The vegetables there are shrivelled, sometimes black and shrivelled and not delicious nor conducive for making healthy foods unless mold is healthy and/or delicious. It is neither; though it is furry.

Anyway, I cooked delicious foods for the week and despite a bad flaxseed oil explosion, it went well. I am reading a lot about healthy foods and how evil agribusiness is and other such humorless, scary things. I won't share for the one or two people who are reading - it will make you sad and spit out any meat you may be eating, thus creating a messy work environment. I like to live in the deluded land where I think that my government cares more for people than profit but I am wrong. So, so wrong and deluded. Anyway, I am also reading about the healthy fats and good, positive things. And finding new recipes.

Portion sizes are crucial for me - but it's always hard the first week looking at the sad little drop of food in comparison to the trough-load I was eating before. And I get very hungry at first because I am actually trying to eat reasonable portions. Which are reasonable to a Hobbit or other such tiny creatures, like Gizmo. I think it was Gizmo who decided on these portion sizes. FUCK HIM.

I also moved some and maybe burned a calorie or three. That was big excitement. I am going to move more this week, though I drove to work this morning (BAD, BAD!!!) because I had a huge bag of lunches for the week that were SO HEAVY and I am still weak. Yes, I know I will never get strong if I don't do these things, but for the LOVE OF GOD - it was like 400 degrees and the bad was heavy. I don't like getting to work all drippy so that my shirt sticks to me and I am not only fat but fat AND sweaty. It's not a GOOD LOOK, okay. Stop berating me.

Proclamation!

So last week I discovered I could no longer fit into ANY of my clothes. Seriously - it was insane. I only have like 5 articles of clothing and I couldn't fit into any of them. So I did the logical thing first and blamed the washer and dryer (named Crap and Ass, respectively). I swore at them, kicked them a little and swore revenge. Then I copped on to myself and realized that it was silly to blame the appliances - they do a lot for me and I was ungrateful. I apologized profusely but then turned my anger on the clothes. Stupid inferior clothes that shrink. I hate them so much - I will get my revenge on them as soon as I get some clothes to cover nakedness.

When I get to work, SHOVED into my clothes, I realize that perhaps, just perhaps, it may be my issue. In an extreme measure of "taking responsibility" which people seem to be so fond, I weighed myself on Monday and then again on Friday - I GAINED 10 POUNDS in five days. HOLY MOTHERLOVING FUCKING SHIT. Some of this is water from Satan's Painful Tool of Torture and Doom (or Prednisone as medical professionals call it). I had decided to eat whatever I wanted and my body responded by blowing up like I don't know what - a thing that blows up but is more interesting than a blimp.

I made the monumental decision last week to actually do something about this. So I am starting on a lifestyle change. I simply cannot gain 10 lbs a week - I hate shopping with a fiery passion, so I need to fit into my clothes. So I am going to eat vegetables and other things that occur in nature. Then I may move a little bit to burn a calorie or two.

I am turning thirty next year - and I am planning to have lost a little bit of weight by then. Then my sister (who has lost like millions of pounds already and is looking fabulous) and I will go to an exotic place and hijinks will ensue with our new svelte selves. This I proclaim.